Clarity comes in all shapes in forms. Sometimes you have to slap a bitch, namely me, in the face before the writing on the wall appears. Other times, a moment of inspiration comes about when the sun light reflects through the water sprinklers and creates a rainbow. Well, my rude awakening came about when I got canned from my Job on February 19th, 2007.
I was a development officer for a local institution of higher education in New York City. In other words, I was a professional begger for a college. I entered the world of fund-raising, thinking it would be an intermediate resting place while I prepared for my true life's calling--story telling. Well three instititions and ten years later, I found myself at the same cross roads as a lot of other people entering their 30's. I didn't have the slightest idea of what I was doing and as grandma sometimes says "You going up Shits Creek without a paddle," and thats what I felt like. While I also felt I was doing noble work because the money I raised helped deserving children pursue their dreams of learning and breaking through the poverty line with a quality education, I just didn't feel like I fit in the profession.
The spread sheets, neurotic breakdowns because you are nowhere near your set fund-raising goals and the type A personalities litereally made me sick. Honey, I am really a flower child at heart. I love to laugh, make people laugh and I want peace and sunshine. If it doesn't happen organically, I don't get it and I don't see it. I am great with talking to people and leading them along my road of reasoning, but when it comes to documenting that stuff and putting it into order, I think that is best left up to an administrative assistant. Suga, I am a visionary and I don't give a shit what anyone else says.
So, here I am working at this new job and really making an effort to learn everything I could to make things happen. Ok. Ok. I know I talk a lot of shit, but I'm not stupid. I still have to pay my rent, fix my credit and drink on the weekends. You can't do that unless you have a job--regardless of how much you may dislike certain aspects of your career or position in life. Welfare isn't an option. Been there and done that as a child. Like I said, I was trying to master the tricks of the trade and I thought things were going well, but the moment you get one thing right, there are ten things wrong! "Where are the proofs? What is the cost per piece? What is this charge for? Do you have a strategic plan and calendar ready for the rest of this fiscal year, and did you remember to send a sample to everyone and their motherfucking mother?!!!!!!!" AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Child, little did I know that clarity was about to come to me with a consolation prize of six boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was the Tuesday after President's day and I was thankful to have had a long weekend. I was ready for anything! I got to work early, checked my emails and was prepared to make shit happen. The day was moving slowly and I noticed that my boss hadn't answered any of my emails and she hadn't stopped by my office to check-in at all that day. That was a bit unlike her. She was always forging around, looking for something to do and had comments and suggestions for everything. In fact, she reminded me of a ferrett on crack. Truth be told, I was glad to be left alone because she was also a little chatty and while I was ready to get work done, I didn't feel like making small talk. Shortly before lunch, she did in fact pop in to deliver girl scout cookies that I ordered a couple of weeks prior. Funny, she didn't talk about work at all when she dropped off the cookies which was very unusual. My boss had a knack for talking about work even when it was in approppriate. When my best friend's father passed away, I can recall not getting a word of sympathy until the end of the work day. The initial conversation went like this: "I'm going to be out at the end of the week, because my best friend's father died." "Oh, did you remember to call the vendor to see if our letter went out?" Honestly, If I had known what was coming, I would have asked for my money back and told her to take those cookies and shove them up....I'll stop there. "Bitterness blocks loves flow" is a quote that I've lived by since I read Susan Taylors inspirational writings "In the Spirit." So, please forgive me for the last few sentences.
After lunch, I had received an ominous email saying that I would meet with my boss, the director, and the deputy director at 4:30 pm. Note to all readers: Honey, if your boss wants to meet with you 30 minutes before the end of the day, and the communication has been kind of dicey, clean out your email inbox and pack your shit. I assumed we were going to discuss planning for the spring; however, I did find it interesting that we were meeting at the end of the day.
I walked into the office with my note pad in hand, eagerly waiting for our planning discussion to begin. And this is what happened:
"Phillip, the Trustees have been reviewing the progress of our fund-raising, particularly your program and you know that we've had to decrease our fund-raising goals twice already. I am sorry to say that we have to let you go."
The rest of the chatter kind of passed over me like a twister over the flat planes of the midwest. "What?" I asked with a look of shock and "oh-no-you-didn't" on my face. The next 10 minutes was spent with my boss sniffling and me looking over a multitude of exit forms. The only thing that I could think of at the time was "What the fuck is she sniffling for? She stilll has a job and health insurance!!!" I would be remiss if I didn't say that my boss is a nice woman. In my heart, I knew there was no malice intended. Maybe she was even sad to give my ass the axe? Sure!!! However, it didn't negate the fact that I was going to be unemployed with mediocre credit and no plan b.
Bring on the vodka bitches because this was going to be what I soon accepted as a WELCOMED end to a long overdue chapter in my life, and the beginning of great possibilities.
Stay tuned!
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